Rob Gronkowski – Dance Machine


“Eli Manning… You and the New York Giants just won the Super Bowl! Where are you going to go to next?”

“I’m going to Disney World!”

That is the commercial we all see and love when the Super Bowl ends and the offseason begins. But what happens when you take the flip side of that question and present it to the loser?

“Rob Gronkowski… You and the New England Patriots just lost the Super Bowl! Where are you going to go to next?”

Apparently his answer was to get sh#trocked and to chase some tail. And you know what? I’m fine with that decision. After a big letdown, why not tie one on and find some companionship? I’ve seen the Bibi Jones-Gronkowski pics on the Internet. Do your thing bro. I get it. There’s no game next week. There’s no game the week after that. Savor the misery, however you see fit.

Now for what I don’t get.

Sorry Gronk. You dance like crap. I know that the über-tantric, pseudo-techno you dig so much gets you really excited, but tone it down pal. I don’t care if you believe that you are an evolved Kevin Bacon, rebelling in a tight end’s body with a high ankle sprain. I just gotta dance! Gotta dance! What a bunch of hogwash big-guy, knock it off.

You know what else? In that posted vid you are dancing with like 12 dudes, and ZERO chicks. There’s no excuse for that buddy, none. No chicks on the dance floor? Go spit some game, or spill something on your shirt so you can take it off. Go get a nice glass of take it easy and Red Bull. Do anything else.

My major beef is that your game has become convoluted. Girls should be chasing you in clubs, yet none are to be seen in your latest dance vid. I wonder why that is?

Maybe it was that stupid Ronnie fist-pump dance you suck at. Perhaps a side of White Man’s Syndrome. Go off and be your bad-self! Take off your shirt and take pics with hot chicks. Let that ankle heal and re-invent the tight end position. Score 20 touchdowns next season and reap the rewards of being a young pro athlete. But please Gronk, please! Do me this one favor… Stay the hell away from the dance floor.


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5 Responses to “Rob Gronkowski – Dance Machine”

  1. Jeff Gehring Says:

    Great post Timmy! I agree with your comments and input. Maybe he needs a better DJ like DJ Chips to help him dance better, because his dancing is terrible. And to all those who were upset about a young single pro athlete having a good time…. Jealous that’s all just jealous.

  2. Jay Bakes Says:

    “Well you may run like Mays but you hit like shit.” – Coach Lou

  3. Trev Says:


    1) Kudos for writing this w/o inserting a certain horrible-dancing friend of ours into the post. You show great restraint.
    2) I dont even know what uber-tantric is (or how you got the 2 dots over the u), but somehow it makes sense
    3) What did you have to go through to get that pic that fell out of Gronk’s wallet???

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Kevin bacon wearing backwards gronkowski next to shirtless rob gronkowski. Sweet photoshop T. Shoeless joe… Shirtless rob? I think I have a new nickname for him.

  5. Mojah Fukweh Says:

    Lol @ White Man’s Syndrome

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